What I'd give...

I'm emotionally torn right now. I've been seeing an amazing guy for months, and I'm trying *not* to fall in love. We're not exclusive. He doesn't want to be. He's not ready to be. I would prefer to give it a try, but given the choice of being with him and not being exclusive versus not being with him at all, I choose being with him - and whatever open relationship that might bring. I enjoy his company too much to let it go. See... he's younger than I am, and spent a lot of years in a relationship, and is only semi-recently out of that relationship. He wants to know how it feels to be "single" -which, thus far, that means that he can meet other people out at bars and give them his number if he wants to. Whether or not he acts on it is yet to be determined. The fact of the matter is I might love him. It's funny - you can't really be IN love with someone unless they are loving you back, right? Like, you can't be IN a relationship with someone unless they consider that you are in a relationship as well. Being "in" something with someone requires reciprocation... so there's no way I'm "in" love with this Prince Charming... I won't allow myself to be in love with him. I'll use every other word in the dictionary to define what I feel for him... lately those words include "infatuated" and "enamored" with him... I adore him. I think he's handsome, sexy as hell, SMART - so smart and witty, and god help me he's got a perfect smile and gorgeous eyes. And yet I don't feel vulnerable. I don't feel as though I'm walking the plank, destined for a cold, wet grave. I'm hopeful. I don't see a single reason why he and I shouldn't give it a try. Hopefully, we'll give it that chance. Meanwhile, this Sugarland song... "What I'd Give..." just kills me. The first time I heard it I thought the story was sung by a pathetic character... "what I'd give to make you coffee..." REALLY? Why was she desperate to take care of this other person? Then when I got THERE; when I was in THAT place, I finally realized the meaning of the song. I want to not only care for him but take care OF him, and know him THAT well... I want the chance to know him that well, and for him to know those little things about me... Oh, what I'd give...